My wife taught me how to process unwanted thoughts after her diagnosis
That conversation changed the way I think about my own mind
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Intrusive thoughts used to feel like my wife Jill’s own private crime scene, especially after she was diagnosed as being gene-positive for Huntington’s disease.
As she describes it, they were the kind of thoughts that no one warns you about, including sudden flashes of worst-case scenarios, images of cognitive decline, and whispers that maybe she wouldn’t be strong enough for what lay ahead. I was thankful she had so much experience in this matter, and a story I’m about to share will show why.
After Jill’s diagnosis, I started facing one intrusive thought after another. They seeped into my imagination, painting future scenarios I never asked to see, like me failing to be the caregiver she deserves. I’d never dealt with these types of thoughts before at such an intense level. On one occasion, a couple months after her diagnosis, one of them actually slipped out.
Everyone has intrusive thoughts
We were sitting on the couch when my mouth outran my caution. “Recently, I pictured just getting in the car and driving away forever,” I said. The words landed between us with a thud. As soon as I heard myself, I wanted to rewind time and reel back the sentence.
Jill didn’t seem perturbed, though. Instead, she looked at the unoccupied seat next to me and said, “Oh, hey there!”
“Who are you talking to?” I asked, staring at her.
“Your intrusive thought,” she said, as if it were obvious. “It’s been dying to be acknowledged.”
This was not the reaction I expected. Because Jill had previous experience with intrusive thoughts, she knew exactly what was happening.
These thoughts, she told me, are random, unwanted, and uninvited. They often have nothing to do with who we are or what we truly want. They tend to get louder when life is stressful, scary, or uncertain — like when a terminal disease has become part of your family’s story.
She went on to say that almost everyone has intrusive thoughts, those scary, weird, and unsettling ideas that seem to pop up out of nowhere. They’re more like mental spam slipping past the brain’s filters when we’re overwhelmed. The problem, she said, isn’t that the thoughts appear. It’s the way we react to them, often with fear, shame, or silence.
“Those kind of reactions give them a front-row seat,” Jill said. “They don’t deserve that kind of upgrade.”
Then she looked at the same empty seat and waved. “Thanks for stopping by,” she said. “You can go now.”
It made me laugh, but it also did something deeper. In that moment, she validated that having these thoughts is normal, shaped by the weight of living with someone who has Huntington’s.
That conversation changed the way I think about my own mind. Instead of treating intrusive thoughts as things to avoid or not share, I started seeing them as indicators that I’m either not living in the present moment, am tired, or am trying to do too much. When they show up now, I try to do what Jill did: notice them, name them, maybe even greet them, and let them move on.
Huntington’s disease has taken a lot from us and likely will take more. But in that small, strangely funny moment on the couch, it lost one thing: its power to turn my private thoughts into secret sources of fear or anxiety.
Jill’s calmness, humor, and refusal to be afraid of how our brains act out when they face a cruel future reminded me that, even in a life shaped by Huntington’s disease, there is room for the best kind of thoughts: the ones full of honesty and tenderness.
Note: Huntington’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Huntington’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Huntington’s disease.
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