Sometimes absurd things can bring us solace in life with HD

Sometimes our best-laid plans go sideways, and what emerges is better than anything we could’ve orchestrated. That’s what I learned the year my wife, Jill, was diagnosed with Huntington’s disease (HD).

When your world gets turned upside down, you grasp for anchors — those memories of better times that remind you that life can still be beautiful. For Jill and our daughter, Alexus, one of those anchors when they lived in Florida was their tradition of attending “The Nutcracker,” the classic holiday ballet that tells the story of a child who receives a nutcracker as a gift on Christmas Eve. As the clock strikes midnight, the nutcracker comes to life, leading all of us on a journey through a winter wonderland.

Before I met them, one of their mother-daughter rituals involved getting dressed up in their finest clothes, watching a family friend’s daughter perform, and finishing the evening with a fancy dinner. That ritual stopped after Jill and I got married and moved to Illinois.

That first Christmas after the diagnosis, I desperately wanted to give them something familiar, something that might bring a moment of peace. When I found out “The Nutcracker” was being performed at a nearby community theater, it seemed like providence.

Little did I know what we were in for.

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The music was Tchaikovsky’s, yes, but that’s where the similarities to their beloved ballet ended. What unfolded onstage was perhaps the most bizarre interpretation of “The Nutcracker” ever performed. Not only was the acting terrible, but the absurdity peaked when several dozen actors wearing enormous rat heads invaded the audience, scampering between seats and pawing at spectators.

At intermission, we decided to leave and not return for the second act. Jill and Alexus made it to the lobby before dissolving into uncontrollable laughter, gasping for air between fits of giggles over how ridiculously bad the production was.

For years, I felt terrible about that night. I’d wanted to give them something beautiful and nostalgic, but instead delivered them what seemed like a parody. Recently, though, Jill told me something that changed my perspective entirely. That night, she said, was exactly what they needed — not a careful re-creation of the past, but a completely unexpected adventure that made them forget about HD, if only for a few hours. In those moments of absurdist theater and spontaneous laughter, they weren’t a mother and daughter dealing with a devastating diagnosis; they were just two people sharing an absolutely ridiculous experience.

Life has a way of teaching us its truths, often through our perceived mistakes. That night taught me that sometimes the best moments aren’t the perfectly planned ones, but rather the messy, unpredictable instances where all you can do is laugh. You don’t always have to re-create the past to find joy in the present.

This year, I’m on the hunt for an equally unconventional performance of “Swan Lake,” another classic ballet. Because sometimes what we need isn’t perfection, but permission to find humor and happiness in life’s unexpected turns. After all, life doesn’t have to be perfect to be good. Sometimes it just needs to be absurd enough to make us laugh.

Note: Huntington’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Huntington’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Huntington’s disease.