Designating some chores as ‘blue jobs’ helps my wife share the load
Blue vs. pink isn't about gender roles; it's about sharing responsibility
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The women in my life — my wife, Jill, and our daughter, Alexus — are the kind who can do absolutely anything they set their minds to. Both would call themselves feminists, not just in words but in the way they live: taking on challenges, speaking their minds, and refusing to let anyone or anything define their limits.
Recently, Alexus declared that cleaning out the cat litter box was a “blue job.” Jill and I exchanged amused glances. When we asked Alexus to explain, she launched into a playful discussion about how, in some households, certain chores are traditionally “pink” (for women) or “blue” (for men) — meaning, in her case, her husband, René.
The irony wasn’t lost on any of us, especially considering how fiercely independent both Jill and Alexus are. In my life with Jill, jobs don’t come color-coded. They get done by whoever is willing, able, or, let’s be honest, least able to dodge the task.
While it was amusing to hear Alexus share that her husband needed to clean the litter box, we knew it wasn’t about gender roles; it was about sharing the load, about partnership.
Permission to share responsibility
Recently, though, Jill has started to embrace the idea of a “blue job.” For someone as independent as she is, asking for help has never come easily, especially since her diagnosis with Huntington’s disease.
But lately, labeling certain chores as “blue jobs” seems to make her a little more comfortable with accepting help. It’s as if giving the task a name, a category, allows her to share the load at home without feeling like she’s giving up her independence.
When Jill asks me to take on a “blue job,” it’s her way of letting me in, of trusting me to help, while still holding on to her sense of self.
Jill’s reluctance to accept help isn’t stubbornness; it’s strength. She insists on doing hard things herself, saying that learning new skills and staying busy is good for her. It’s good for her mindset in her fight against Huntington’s disease.
But I think there’s more to it. I believe Jill needs to prove to herself, every single day, that Huntington’s isn’t robbing her of her independence. I respect that, even when it means watching her struggle with something I could easily help with. But I also appreciate these new moments, when the “blue job” label gives her permission to lean on me just a little.
Living with Jill and being Alexus’ father have taught me that strength comes in many forms. Sometimes it’s about doing the hard things yourself. Sometimes it’s about knowing when to ask for help — or even inventing a playful label that makes asking easier.
But, always, it’s about refusing to let anyone, or any diagnosis, decide your worth or your capabilities.
Note: Huntington’s Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Huntington’s Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Huntington’s disease.
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