The first time my wife, Jill, almost cried in front of me, Huntington’s disease (HD) was already part of our story, just not the headline yet. It was there in the background, like a low drumbeat under all the usual early-relationship excitement: new love, big plans,…
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For a long time, I confused boundaries with rejection. I thought boundaries meant distance. I thought they meant being difficult, cold, or selfish. I thought that if I loved people deeply enough, I should be able to keep showing up, giving, understanding, and absorbing whatever came my way. I believed…
Last month, I walked into our kitchen to find what looked like a crime scene. Blood drops dotted the counter, and my wife, Jill, stood at the sink with bandages wrapped around several fingers, laughing as she rinsed off our newly sharpened knives. My heart sank. My first thought wasn’t…
There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from being sick and still feeling responsible for everyone else’s comfort. It is one thing to manage Huntington’s disease. It is another thing entirely to manage the emotions, assumptions, awkwardness, and reactions that can swirl around it. Sometimes I walk…
The other evening, my wife, Jill, and I were watching a YouTube show that explored how people cope with loss. As the narrator was describing the seven stages of grief — shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and hope — Jill clicked the pause button. In our years together, especially…
There is a particular kind of pain that comes from knowing something is wrong in your body and having medical professionals tell you otherwise. For many people living with Huntington’s disease, the road to diagnosis is already long, confusing, and frightening. But for some of us, that road…
Intrusive thoughts used to feel like my wife Jill’s own private crime scene, especially after she was diagnosed as being gene-positive for Huntington’s disease. As she describes it, they were the kind of thoughts that no one warns you about, including sudden flashes of worst-case scenarios, images of…
One of the hardest parts of living with Huntington’s disease is when other people don’t believe me when I discuss my health. I’ve spent years being challenged by medical professionals, questioned by strangers, and even pushed out of organizational spaces that were supposed to support people like me. It…
The women in my life — my wife, Jill, and our daughter, Alexus — are the kind who can do absolutely anything they set their minds to. Both would call themselves feminists, not just in words but in the way they live: taking on challenges, speaking their minds, and refusing to let…
There is a type of grief that isn’t always discussed in the Huntington’s disease community, even though many of us live with it every day. It’s the grief of losing versions of yourself while still being very much alive. I have grieved the loss of some of my abilities.
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