I’ve Learned to Focus on Living in the Moment
I spent about two months weighing the pros and cons of getting bangs again. On one hand, bangs work well with the shape of my face and eyes. On the other, I’d have to wash them every morning. They’re are a lot of work, and getting them is a commitment of at least a few months.
After going back and forth on the decision and acquiring plenty of input, I decided to get them. I’m only pretty sure I made the right decision.
During the same period, I probably put a total of a few minutes of thought into whether I should get a second cat and ask my boyfriend to move in with me. After I confirmed that both ideas were feasible, I didn’t see any reason not to move forward. As I listen to my boyfriend play with the kittens while I type this in our new office (my previous roommate’s room), I know I made the right decision on both fronts.
I didn’t always make big decisions so quickly. In high school, when I was looking at which colleges to apply to, I made a color-coded spreadsheet with each school’s rankings for the various majors I was interested in. Freshman year, when picking my major, I talked to a large number of upperclassmen to hear about their experiences in their respective majors, and I took an exploratory course in one to see if it was for me.
Through college, and especially considering my fears about my mom’s Huntington’s status, as well as my own, I began to focus more on doing what made me happy. Sure, I still can’t decide what I want for dinner, but adding a little bundle of joy (and occasional frustration) to my life is a no-brainer.
Now that I spend less time carefully planning out each choice, I focus more on enjoying every moment. The small joys in life are what make it worth living, like the joy I feel when I look down and see my new kitten, Freya, asleep in my lap.
I try as best as I can to spend less time thinking about the future and more time enjoying the now. Granted, that’s sometimes easier said than done. My fear of what’s to come with Huntington’s for both my mother and me creeps in, no matter how hard I try to remain in the present. However, whenever my time comes, I want people to remember me by the beautiful, mundane moments.
From what I remember of my grandfather, he also looked for those perfect, mundane moments. As a child, I would tell him something was on his head, such as a spider, and without fail, he would freak out looking for it. It always cracked me up. My mom tells me that those were the moments that always brought him the most happiness.
I hope I can leave someone else with the same kind of memories I have of my grandfather.
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